Month: June 2019

What is the real success rate of marriages between American men and Filipinas? Let’s look at some of the facts.

Before we go further, have you heard that half of all marriages end in divorce? I know I have, and I used to believe that was true–I heard it repeated so many times that I just assumed marriages only had a 50/50 shot. That’s quite a terrifying proposition: get married and you have a 50% chance of splitting up, going to divorce court, paying alimony for the rest of your life, and let’s not forget child support.

But it turns out the divorce rate truth is much more complicated. Here’s the problem: the “half of all marriages end in divorce” idea came from comparing the number of marriages in a given year to the number of divorces. That may seem like the way to do it, but here’s the problem: the people who get divorces in any year aren’t the same ones who got married. In other words, the total number of divorces any year come from several previous years of marriages. No wonder it seems like so many marriages fail–we’ve based our ideas on bad math.

Measuring the actual divorce rate is tricky, and I’m not sure that there is an easy, accurate way to do it. Most of the estimates I see is somewhere around 30-35% of American marriages will end in a divorce. The rate has actually gone down in America for the past few decades because fewer people are getting married, people are marrying later, and a lot of other factors I won’t go into.

Filipina and American Marriages: The Data

So, what are the statistical chances of a marriage between a Filipina and an American ending in divorce? I have had a hard time finding good, up-to-date information. A long time ago I remember reading that marriages between Americans and Filipinas are more successful (less likely to end in divorce). In other words, an American man that marries a Filipina is less likely to experience a divorce than if he marries someone from his own country. Was this information correct, or was it just as mistaken as the idea that half of all marriages end in divorce?

There does seem to be some data to support the idea of hte high marital success rate of Filipinas and Americans. Here’s something I found from the mid-90’s on an immigration website:

According to a report from the Commission on Filipinos Overseas (see “Data from Filipino women and intermarriages” by Catherine Paredes-Maceda in Asian Migrant 8.4, 1995), mail-order brides constitute 10 percent of the marriages between Filipinos and foreign nationals. Between 1989 and 1994, 95,000 Filipino men and women were engaged to be married to foreigners, the great majority of whom met their partners through work or personal introductions. Of the foreign men who marry Filipinos, 44 percent are U.S. citizens.

On the basis of these data, it would appear that about 2,000 Filipino women find husbands each year through the agencies, 800 of whom marry Americans.

Based on published material from the agencies, similar numbers apply to women from Russia, Latin America, and other areas; i.e., 10 percent find husbands, of whom 40 to 50 percent are U.S. citizens.

Again, based largely on data supplied by the agencies themselves (along with the Commission on Filipinos Overseas report), marriages arranged through the mail-order services would appear to have a lower divorce rate than the nation as a whole, fully 80 percent of these marriages having lasted over the years for which reports are available.

If these statistics are accurate and still true, it means that marriages between Filipinas and American men had a lower divorce rate than marriages between two Americans in the past. I don’t see any reason to assume things have changed that much (based on what I know about Filipino culture, which I’ll explain next).

Filipino Culture and Marriage

What factors would tend to make a Filipino-American marriage more successful? Here are a few reasons, based on my observations and time in the Philippines. Keep in mind that these are very general statements–there are always exceptions to the rules.

There is currently no divorce in the Philippines. The Philippines and the Vatican are the only two sovereign states in the world with no divorce. The only way to dissolve a marriage is through the process of annulment, which means legally establishing that a marriage never existed. Most “annulments” in the Philippines are really just divorces by another name. Annulment is a very expensive and lengthy process, which is why I advise men to think twice before getting involved with a woman from the Philippines who is “separated.”

There is a movement to legalize divorce in the Philippines. I do not know if it will ever materialize, but several legislators have proposed changing the law to allow for divorce. My mind may change, but I am not optimistic about seeing these new changes in the law become reality.

That’s not to say that all marriages in the Philippines work out–marriages fail and people separate. But the law is, in part, a reflection of the Filipino culture. Filipinos have a high view of marriage and go into it with the idea of staying together for life–that’s their only option (for now, at least).

Filipinas value marriage and keeping the family together. As I’ve said on this blog several times, family is everything in Filipino culture. Filipinas tend to believe that the wife should do everything in her power to keep the family together–especially if children are involved. They will think about how their decisions affect everyone–not just themselves.

The importance of family goes beyond the immediate family. A Filipina will likely consider what her parents and relatives will think of her decisions. In other words, leaving a good, stable man would be frowned upon by those whose opinion matters to her. She would be ashamed to tell her parents or other family members that she pursued a separation/divorce because she “was not happy” or “fell out of love.” The mindset and attitude of people in the Philippines is different–it is less individualistic. Filipinos (and Asians in general) have more of a group orientation that Westerners do.

I will add something here: there is a dark side to the Filipina’s loyalty: I’ve seen it get abused. I have noticed that Filipina wives tend to tolerate behavior that Western women would not. She may put up with a cheating husband, for example, as long has he continues to support and come home to his family. She would be heartbroken, of course, but she might endure treatment that a Western woman would not. To be clear, I hate adultery and I would never do something to hurt my wife (I sincerely hope you have the same attitude about the commitment of marriage). But I’m sharing this just to demonstrate how deeply ingrained this cultural value is in the minds and hearts of the women of the Philippines.

Filipino culture has a value called “utang na loob.” This term is difficult to translate with precision, but it means a “debt of gratitude.” The idea is that if someone does something for you, you should do everything in your power to return the favor.

What does this have to do with faithfulness in marriage? Well, an American man goes through considerable expense to bring a Filipina to the States. He will probably provide her with a standard of living that she would never have in the Philippines (there are exceptions, but I am speaking in general terms). For her to divorce him without good reason would be a form of ingratitude.

Just to be clear, I am not saying that all women of the Philippines would see things this way. But most Filipinas would have a deep sense of appreciate for being given a stable, secure life that she may not have otherwise.

The immigration/citizenship process is lengthy. In other words, the narrative of the Filipina running off after she becomes a U.S. Citizen (or gets her green card) isn’t quite as simple as some make it sound. Yes, it happens, but it probably doesn’t happen as often as you think.

I’ll explain this a little more:

The process from spousal or fiancee visa to US citizen takes at least 3-4 years–this is if you are fortunate enough to get through the process with no delays. I can tell you from personal experience (as described on this blog) that the visa process requires patience, perseverance, and money. This waiting period for citizenship is a long time to commit to living with someone if you don’t love him.

Final Thoughts

I’m not saying that marrying a Filipina is a divorce-proof move. I’m also not saying that Filipinas never leave their American husbands. They certainly do in some cases, and I have met those whose marriages unfortunately ended in divorce.

But the vast majority of Filipinas I have met just want a man who will love them, provide for them, and treat them well.

As always, I would encourage you to proceed with caution if you want to find a wife in the Philippines. There are plenty of good women there, but you need to take your time and make sure to find the right one.