Month: November 2023

Why do women from the Philippines chose older men?

Ask this question on any type of interactive format and you’ll probably get one overly simplistic answer about money. But the real answer is not nearly that simple. I’ll do my best to give you a more thoughtful and informed response.

Let’s back away from the topic of the Philippines for a minute and just talk about history as well as the nature of men and women.

A Western reader will likely consider any age gap over about 5 years in a couple to be unusual. But men have historically married women who are significantly younger. In other words, our idea that men and women should be of similar age is not how the world has worked historically.

One ancient that comes to my mind is the biblical narrative of Rebekah and Isaac. The Bible doesn’t specify Rebekah’s age other than to say she was beautiful and old enough to be married (Genesis 24:16). Isaac was 40 when he married Rebekah (Genesis 25:20). A significant age gap can be inferred from this account.

Men and women have historically looked for different qualities in a romantic partner.

Men have always been attracted to youth, beauty, and purity. That doesn’t mean these physical characteristics are all men look for, but they have always been significant factors in why men chose the women they do.

Women, on the other hand, are hypergamous by nature. This means they have historically been attracted to men of higher wealth/status. They want men who can provide them with financial security and stability. A man can make up for a lack of physical attractiveness or youth by being financially successful.

I realize that what I’ve shared here is a very simplified version of things, but I think you’ll find it to be true. Men typically don’t care how much money a woman makes. Men typically don’t care that much about her educational status (intelligence matters, of course, but intelligence and educational attainment aren’t always the same thing). Women, on the other hand, almost universally want a man that can provide financially.

I’m writing all of this to give you some perspective. The same Western women who hatefully call Filipinas “gold-diggers” are probably not lining up to date men who are broke and living in their parents’ basement.

My Experience with Women in the Philippines

I noticed a difference in my dating options the very first time I visited the Philippines. I was in my 30’s and noticed that women in their 20’s (even early 20’s) were more than willing date me without hesitation—women 10 years (or more) younger than I. Keep in mind that I’ve always been in pretty good physical shape and I’m at least average looking (even now people tend to think I’m younger than my actual age). Regardless, my options were drastically improved compared to the dating scene back in my home country.

I eventually married a woman who is significantly younger (around 15 years). I didn’t necessarily plan to marry so much younger, but I was in my late 30’s and still wanted a family. Marrying a woman my own age would have meant a “geriatric pregnancy” for her. Marrying younger meant that we didn’t have to be concerned with those risks when having kids.

Most of the Filipino-American couples we have met here in the West have similar age gaps to my wife and me (though not all). The Filipinas are usually not materialistic but were open to marrying an older man who could offer love, faithfulness and stability.

One more thing: I have also encountered age gap relationships between Filipinas and Filipino men. I have a good friend in the Philippines that is married to a girl almost 20 years his junior. He’s not rich or famous. He’s just a guy who found himself single for longer than most and found a nice girl. Such a relationship would be almost unheard of in the West, but not in the Philippines. Women in the Philippines just aren’t as hung up about age gaps.

Practical Considerations:

Does this mean that all age gap relationships in the Philippines work out well? Unfortunately, no. There are cases in which a Western man comes to the Philippines, falls for a pretty young Filipina builds her a house, then ends up losing it all. I’ve even seen videos of expats that are living on the streets after having something like this happen.

There are other cases in which a man brings a woman from the Philippines to the States and finds that she is constantly demanding money for herself and her family.

Finding a wife in the Philippines involves the same kind of vetting that you would need to do almost anywhere. I would first advise you to take things slow and get to know the woman that you are considering for a long-term relationship. Learn about her family, her values, and her expectations for your relationship. I believe some of the Western men who fall for toxic Filipinas just moved too fast because they were surprised to be noticed by a younger woman. They may have noticed warning signs if they had just taken some time. They would have also seen that there are plenty of good women in the Philippines and that there was no need to jump at the first relationship opportunity.

I would also encourage you to be realistic. In other words, the larger the age gap, the more cautious you need to be. A 40-year-old man marrying a 25-year-old is different than a 65-year-old man marrying a 25-year-old. The larger the age gap, the more conscientious you also need to be about it. The more you need to be concerned with her true intentions. You have to consider, for example, the likelihood that you (the older partner) will die before your wife does.

Age Gap Relationships in the Philippines: Conclusion

Most Filipinas, based on my experience, want what all women have historically wanted: they want to marry a man who can take care of them. But, unlike their Western counterparts, they tend to value older men because of their stability (which includes financial stability) and maturity.

Note: I recommend the Christian Filipina Dating website if you are looking to find a quality woman from the Philippines.