Tag: Women

Age Gap Relationships Philippines

Why do women from the Philippines chose older men?

Ask this question on any type of interactive format and you’ll probably get one overly simplistic answer about money. But the real answer is not nearly that simple. I’ll do my best to give you a more thoughtful and informed response.

Let’s back away from the topic of the Philippines for a minute and just talk about history as well as the nature of men and women.

A Western reader will likely consider any age gap over about 5 years in a couple to be unusual. But men have historically married women who are significantly younger. In other words, our idea that men and women should be of similar age is not how the world has worked historically.

One ancient that comes to my mind is the biblical narrative of Rebekah and Isaac. The Bible doesn’t specify Rebekah’s age other than to say she was beautiful and old enough to be married (Genesis 24:16). Isaac was 40 when he married Rebekah (Genesis 25:20). A significant age gap can be inferred from this account.

Men and women have historically looked for different qualities in a romantic partner.

Men have always been attracted to youth, beauty, and purity. That doesn’t mean these physical characteristics are all men look for, but they have always been significant factors in why men chose the women they do.

Women, on the other hand, are hypergamous by nature. This means they have historically been attracted to men of higher wealth/status. They want men who can provide them with financial security and stability. A man can make up for a lack of physical attractiveness or youth by being financially successful.

I realize that what I’ve shared here is a very simplified version of things, but I think you’ll find it to be true. Men typically don’t care how much money a woman makes. Men typically don’t care that much about her educational status (intelligence matters, of course, but intelligence and educational attainment aren’t always the same thing). Women, on the other hand, almost universally want a man that can provide financially.

I’m writing all of this to give you some perspective. The same Western women who hatefully call Filipinas “gold-diggers” are probably not lining up to date men who are broke and living in their parents’ basement.

My Experience with Women in the Philippines

I noticed a difference in my dating options the very first time I visited the Philippines. I was in my 30’s and noticed that women in their 20’s (even early 20’s) were more than willing date me without hesitation—women 10 years (or more) younger than I. Keep in mind that I’ve always been in pretty good physical shape and I’m at least average looking (even now people tend to think I’m younger than my actual age). Regardless, my options were drastically improved compared to the dating scene back in my home country.

I eventually married a woman who is significantly younger (around 15 years). I didn’t necessarily plan to marry so much younger, but I was in my late 30’s and still wanted a family. Marrying a woman my own age would have meant a “geriatric pregnancy” for her. Marrying younger meant that we didn’t have to be concerned with those risks when having kids.

RECOMMENDED: I recommend Christian Filipina for those who are serious about finding love in the Philippines.

Most of the Filipino-American couples we have met here in the West have similar age gaps to my wife and me (though not all). The Filipinas are usually not materialistic but were open to marrying an older man who could offer love, faithfulness and stability.

One more thing: I have also encountered age gap relationships between Filipinas and Filipino men. I have a good friend in the Philippines that is married to a girl almost 20 years his junior. He’s not rich or famous. He’s just a guy who found himself single for longer than most and found a nice girl. Such a relationship would be almost unheard of in the West, but not in the Philippines. Women in the Philippines just aren’t as hung up about age gaps.

Practical Considerations:

Does this mean that all age gap relationships in the Philippines work out well? Unfortunately, no. There are cases in which a Western man comes to the Philippines, falls for a pretty young Filipina builds her a house, then ends up losing it all. I’ve even seen videos of expats that are living on the streets after having something like this happen.

There are other cases in which a man brings a woman from the Philippines to the States and finds that she is constantly demanding money for herself and her family.

Finding a wife in the Philippines involves the same kind of vetting that you would need to do almost anywhere. I would first advise you to take things slow and get to know the woman that you are considering for a long-term relationship. Learn about her family, her values, and her expectations for your relationship. I believe some of the Western men who fall for toxic Filipinas just moved too fast because they were surprised to be noticed by a younger woman. They may have noticed warning signs if they had just taken some time. They would have also seen that there are plenty of good women in the Philippines and that there was no need to jump at the first relationship opportunity.

I would also encourage you to be realistic. In other words, the larger the age gap, the more cautious you need to be. A 40-year-old man marrying a 25-year-old is different than a 65-year-old man marrying a 25-year-old. The larger the age gap, the more conscientious you also need to be about it. The more you need to be concerned with her true intentions. You have to consider, for example, the likelihood that you (the older partner) will die before your wife does.

Age Gap Relationships in the Philippines: Conclusion

Most Filipinas, based on my experience, want what all women have historically wanted: they want to marry a man who can take care of them. But, unlike their Western counterparts, they tend to value older men because of their stability (which includes financial stability) and maturity.

Note: I recommend the Christian Filipina Dating website if you are looking to find a quality woman from the Philippines.

RECOMMENDED: REMITLY

Filipina Dating a Foreigner: The Five Greatest Challenges

Wedding_rings

I am extremely happy with the life that my Filipina wife and I have together.  I can’t imagine being with anyone else or being married to someone of my own race/culture.  Our love is a beautiful thing that has enhanced my life in ways I could never fully describe.

But I never want to present being married to a Pinay as some kind of panacea or fairy tale.  All marriages require work, and mine is no exception.  Marrying a woman from the Philippines, in fact, will come with some unique challenges that you wouldn’t face if you just dated someone from your own country.  Here are a few that come to mind:

Challenge #1: Choosing with Limited Information

This isn’t always a big factor for those of us who have spent time in the Philippines and dated while living/visiting there.  But most Filipino-American couples first meet online.  Usually this means the man joined a dating website (like Christian Filipina–the one I recommend), met a pretty Filipina, and started communicating via email and chat.  This works out well for most of the couples that I’ve met, but it is arguably more risky than being able to meet/date in more traditional or conventional ways.  In other words, the men usually have to make a decision based on very limited face-to-face time with their girlfriends.

Challenge #2: The Visa Process

Let’s say you do find a great woman (as so many do) and are 100% sure you want to marry her.  The next challenge is enduring the process of getting her spousal/fiancee visa so she can move to your country and (eventually) become a citizen there.  The process is doable but it does require a lot of patience on your part.  The government agencies involved get your tax dollars regardless of their inefficiencies and can be frustrating to deal with.  I have recommended a service to help you do things correctly, but it takes a few months even under the best circumstances.

Challenge #3: The Distance

The most difficult thing about being married to a Filipina is you are always going to be far away from either her family or yours.  This usually means being far from hers because of the better opportunities available in America (or other Western countries).  There are exceptions–guys who decide to live as expats in the Philippines.  Either way you’re going to live halfway across the world from someone’s family.  Family ties are extremely important in the Filipino culture, so you can imagine how difficult this can be.  Being able to chat via Skype does help, but the dilemma is still there regardless.

Challenge #4: Money Issues

Money issues are probably the biggest cause of divorce worldwide. This issue can be especially challenging if you’re married to a Filipina because sharing resources with family members is deeply ingrained in Filipino culture.  This is a potential source of conflict if the husband and wife don’t have good communication with each other or healthy boundaries with family members back in the Philippines.  The couple has to find a balance of sharing with family while making sure they are not putting themselves in a bad financial situation.

Challenge #5 Cultural Differences

A Filipina and a Westerner have grown up in two completely different cultural contexts.  Their respective worldviews have been shaped by factors that go back centuries.  This can also be a source of conflict if one of them is xenophobic or can’t learn how to be open to another point of view.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

These are just a few of the most significant challenges that come to mind when I think of my own marriage and the other couples that my wife and I have met.  Here’s the good news: I can honestly say it has been 100% worth it for me.  I think there’s a good chance you’ll feel the same way, but be sure you are going into any relationship with eyes wide open.

Perks of Dating a Filipina

You may be thinking about meeting, dating, or marrying a woman from the Philippines. Romantic relationships are serious business in my opinion and I’m not going to try to convince to you pursue a relationship with someone halfway across the globe.   I’m just writing this to give you my perspective as someone who is happily married to a Filipina.

Filipino women (more appropriately called Filipinas) have a lot of perks to offer if you are seriously considering a long-term relationship that would lead to marriage. I’m going to repeat some things that I’ve previously shared on this blog or the sake of an easier read (some of my posts from previous years were bit short or choppy). Anyway, here are a few reasons you may want to consider marrying someone from the Philippines:

Perk #1: Filipinas are Beautiful

The Philippines is home to some of the most breathtaking natural beauty known to man: beaches, waterfalls, and all kinds of natural wonders can be found there. But there’s something besides the natural landscape that’s attractive to the eyes: I’m talking about feminine beauty.   Men from the West are often struck by the physical attractiveness of the women there. They tend to have slim, petite figures. Most of them have naturally tan skin along with dark hair and eyes (the typical Filipina is often said to have “exotic beauty”).

Beauty is, as they say, only skin deep. Good thing that there’s a lot more to be said about women from the Philippines.

Perk #2: Filipinas are Good in English

People in the Philippines start studying English in grade school and are used to watching movies (and TV shows) from the West. Their proficiency in English varies according to education and other factors, but you should be able to find a woman who can communicate with you (and her ability to do so will only get better as she practices her English). Here’s another thing to consider: the Filipino accent is very pleasing to the ear when compared to other parts of Asia.

Perk #3: Filipinas are God Fearing

The Philippines is a predominantly Roman Catholic country and religion is deeply ingrained in their culture. You may not find a woman with this outlook on life in other parts of the world. Women from Russia or China may be coming from an atheistic background. People from other parts of Asia may follow Buddhism.

Men seeking women from Asia are usually looking for marriage based on traditional Judeo-Christian values, and similar religious beliefs is one reason they look to the Philippines. Women from the Philippines generally have a sense of devotion to God and the church.

This is not to say that Filipinas are fanatical about the Catholic Church.   They are open other expressions of Christianity (Protestant, etc.) and will usually join your church once they move to the States. It is not uncommon, in fact, to meet Filipinos who are already members of non-Catholic groups (Protestant missionaries have been in the country for decades).

Perk #4: Filipinas are Marriage and Family Oriented

Family is extremely important in the Filipino culture. People from the Philippines believe in putting family members ahead of themselves and doing everything in their power to help their loved ones. You’ll find that Filipinas are incredibly selfless and generous when it comes to their families.

Filipino culture also puts an extremely high priority on marriage and children. Most Filipinas dream of settling down with a good man so they can start a family. They take romantic relationships very seriously because they see it as preparation for marriage. Once married they usually become faithful, loving wives and dedicated mothers.

Perk #5: Filipinas are Open to Marrying Older Men

Another advantage of dating women from the Philippines is you can find younger women who are interested in you. This is especially nice if you are middle-aged but are still interested in having children. Women who date older men are often labeled as “gold diggers,” but this is unfair and judgmental. The truth is that Filipinas tend to look for the characteristics that an older partner can offer: maturity, stability, etc. This outlook goes back to some of the issues I’ve already mentioned: they are searching for life partners, not just boyfriends or flings.

These are just a few reasons that you may want to consider Filipino women (Filipinas) in your quest for a life-long, loving relationship. Living with someone from a different country and culture can be challenging, but may Western men (yours truly included) can attest that it is worth it.

If you are interested in meeting a woman from the Philippines you could always start by joining a website. I’d recommend Christian Filipina because I believe this website does the best job of screening their members and making sure they are sincere. You can just meet them through social media, but your chances of success will be improved by joining a site specifically designed for facilitating dating and marriage.