Tag: Culture

Filipino culture: learning to navigate cultural differences is important for those who decide to marry a Filipina (woman from the Philippines).

Filipina Dating a Foreigner: The Five Greatest Challenges

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I am extremely happy with the life that my Filipina wife and I have together.  I can’t imagine being with anyone else or being married to someone of my own race/culture.  Our love is a beautiful thing that has enhanced my life in ways I could never fully describe.

But I never want to present being married to a Pinay as some kind of panacea or fairy tale.  All marriages require work, and mine is no exception.  Marrying a woman from the Philippines, in fact, will come with some unique challenges that you wouldn’t face if you just dated someone from your own country.  Here are a few that come to mind:

Challenge #1: Choosing with Limited Information

This isn’t always a big factor for those of us who have spent time in the Philippines and dated while living/visiting there.  But most Filipino-American couples first meet online.  Usually this means the man joined a dating website (like Christian Filipina–the one I recommend), met a pretty Filipina, and started communicating via email and chat.  This works out well for most of the couples that I’ve met, but it is arguably more risky than being able to meet/date in more traditional or conventional ways.  In other words, the men usually have to make a decision based on very limited face-to-face time with their girlfriends.

Challenge #2: The Visa Process

Let’s say you do find a great woman (as so many do) and are 100% sure you want to marry her.  The next challenge is enduring the process of getting her spousal/fiancee visa so she can move to your country and (eventually) become a citizen there.  The process is doable but it does require a lot of patience on your part.  The government agencies involved get your tax dollars regardless of their inefficiencies and can be frustrating to deal with.  I have recommended a service to help you do things correctly, but it takes a few months even under the best circumstances.

RECOMMENDED: I recommend Christian Filipina for those who are serious about finding love in the Philippines.

Challenge #3: The Distance

The most difficult thing about being married to a Filipina is you are always going to be far away from either her family or yours.  This usually means being far from hers because of the better opportunities available in America (or other Western countries).  There are exceptions–guys who decide to live as expats in the Philippines.  Either way you’re going to live halfway across the world from someone’s family.  Family ties are extremely important in the Filipino culture, so you can imagine how difficult this can be.  Being able to chat via Skype does help, but the dilemma is still there regardless.

Challenge #4: Money Issues

Money issues are probably the biggest cause of divorce worldwide. This issue can be especially challenging if you’re married to a Filipina because sharing resources with family members is deeply ingrained in Filipino culture.  This is a potential source of conflict if the husband and wife don’t have good communication with each other or healthy boundaries with family members back in the Philippines.  The couple has to find a balance of sharing with family while making sure they are not putting themselves in a bad financial situation.

Challenge #5 Cultural Differences

A Filipina and a Westerner have grown up in two completely different cultural contexts.  Their respective worldviews have been shaped by factors that go back centuries.  This can also be a source of conflict if one of them is xenophobic or can’t learn how to be open to another point of view.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

These are just a few of the most significant challenges that come to mind when I think of my own marriage and the other couples that my wife and I have met.  Here’s the good news: I can honestly say it has been 100% worth it for me.  I think there’s a good chance you’ll feel the same way, but be sure you are going into any relationship with eyes wide open.

RECOMMENDED: REMITLY

Filipinas and Black Men

Let’s say you are an African-American man who is interested in finding love in the question-mark-lovePhilippines.  You may be wondering if you have a chance of winning a Filipina’s heart.  I’ll do my best to answer that question.

As I’ve mentioned before (see: Filipina Beauty), people in the Philippines tend to prefer Caucasian physical characteristics, such as a pointy nose, blue eyes, and light skin.  They avoid sun exposure (for fear of getting darker) and spend a lot of money on “skin whitening” products. Some of the most popular celebrities are half Caucasian.  This is simply the way it is right now.

RECOMMENDED: I recommend Christian Filipina for those who are serious about finding love in the Philippines.

But that doesn’t mean an African-American has no chance.  I’ve met quite a few black men who are happily married to Filipina women (almost all the ones I’ve met are retired military guys).  One of my readers (a retired black gentleman) recently let me know he’s had a really good response to his profile on a dating website.

So I would never discourage anyone, regardless of skin color, from looking for love in the Philippines.  I would offer a few tips:

*Be sure to post your profile picture.  You want to know upfront if the one you are chatting with is really open to you.

*This may sound obvious, but I would encourage you to ignore profiles that express a preference for white men only.  Don’t waste your time trying to convince someone who is not open-minded.

*Visit the Philippines if at all possible.  I think you’ll find that Filipinos are very warm and friendly to all regardless of skin color.

Filipina Beauty

 

FilipinaBeautyI’m not the only Western guy to notice the exceptional beauty of the women here in the Philippines.  Most first-time visitors comment on how pretty the girls are (both men and women).

Here’s what’s interesting: Filipino culture tends to prize features we’d associate with Caucasians.  White skin, a pointed nose, and blue eyes are considered handsome or beautiful characteristics.  Some of this goes back to the period in which the Spaniards ruled.  Children of Spanish colonizers certainly had certain social/economic advantages, so “whiter is better” kind of got imprinted in the culture.

I don’t think this preference is purely based on cultural baggage from the Spanish era. Maybe it also has to do with Western media and the desire to look more like international actors and actresses.

For better or worse, people in the Philippines admire light skin. Filipinos spend millions on products designed to whiten their skin (first-time visitors to the country may be surprised by the marketing of “skin whitening” lotions).   Many of the popular tv and movie stars are half Filipino/half Caucasian.

RECOMMENDED: I recommend Christian Filipina for those who are serious about finding love in the Philippines.

Most Filipino men I’ve talked to tend to prefer women with fair complexions (called mestizas).   Women with darker complexions (morenas) are often not considered as beautiful. There are exceptions to this rule, but I’m speaking in very general terms to make a point.

Here’s where this gets interesting for Western men: the woman you consider beautiful may be looked upon as completely “average” by the standards here in the Philippines.  I love the look of a “classic” Filipina beauty: dark skin, dark hair, dark eyes, and a petite figure.  Most foreigners I meet also seem to choose morenas.

This is where a Western man is in a win-win situation as far as physical attraction goes.  He admires the women of the Philippines who may not be appreciated by her fellow countrymen.  She is attracted to his pointed nose and other Caucasian features.

I think this is an overlooked aspect of “Fil-West” relationships.  Philippine women are often just considering all their options and responding to those who most appreciate their unique attractiveness.